Unfortunately, no family is problem-free, as all families encounter problems. It is essential to acknowledge the challenges families face, especially today, and methods that can enable them to flourish. Maybe what is needed is life coaching.
WAKE COUNTY, N.C. — Gale McKoy Wilkins is a wife, mom, grandparent and family life coach. She is the founder of Project Arrow, an evidence-based peer-to-peer and leadership program teaching middle, high school and first-year college students how to deal with trauma and crisis using life coaching. It’s the first life coaching organization in the state to receive funding from the Department of Public Instruction and the first to implement life coaching in a school setting. She is joining the Go Ask Mom team as a regular contributor about life coaching.
Recently I heard a renowned psychologist speak concerning his dilemma raising his teens. He spoke about how he and his adolescents (ages 10 to 19) had an outburst of difference of opinion and the shedding of tears and apologies that followed. I was glad to hear him say he apologized to his teen when he missed the mark, and the teen apologized. As a parent of adults, we reminisce about our parenting style and the tough decisions my husband and I made regarding our teen’s disregard for our requests. We have a son and daughter, and our approaches differ for both.
Recently, we had a family meal, as we sat around the table with our daughter and her family and our son and his girlfriend. My husband began to apologize for the moments we missed the mark, and I followed with my apologies. During our years volunteering and partnering with teens, I was surprised to hear teens state that their parents never apologized, even in error. Often, as parents, we have many reasons why we don’t think an apology is appropriate. As the definition of apology is a regretful acknowledgment of an offense or failure, but it doesn’t state to whom the apology is directed.
A 2014 article on Psychology Today, The Three Parts of a Meaningful, Heartfelt Apology, suggest the following:
1. Acknowledgment. Being able to see how your actions impact others is key to making a sincere apology.
2. Remorse and Empathy. Remorse is truly feeling bad for what you’ve done. Empathy is about being able to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and know-how she or he feels.
3. Restitution. This means taking action to provide an act or service to make up for the transgression.
Unfortunately, no family is problem-free as all families encounter problems. It is essential to acknowledge the challenges families face, especially today, and methods that can enable them to flourish. Maybe what is needed is life coaching.
A life coach works with individuals, couples, or families with specific goals or ideas on how they want to improve their lives and the lives of their family members. Coaching is about self-awareness and personal responsibility. The primary reason a person seeks a coach is for change. Coaching leads to action. Consequently, a straightforward question can elicit a new way of thinking. So, the next time a situation arises, ask yourself and your teen questions.
- What is the real challenge for you here?
- What would you be feeling if you were acting in a way that benefits you and others?
- What other choice can you make?
By Gale McKoy Wilkins, WRAL contributor
